Unfair, Off-Balance

rambling>>> Well, no wonder the White House has a skewed view of the world, and they way America thinks of the adminstration:

Fox anchor named Bush Press Secretary

Cheney demands Fox News on hotel TVs

Reporter asks to watch CNN on Air Force One

During a briefing led by White House spokesman Scott McClellan as President Bush was traveling to New Orleans, Louisiana, the Washington Post's Jim VandeHei asked why the White House televisions always seemed to be tuned to Fox News and if it was possible to have them tuned instead to CNN.

Premature Exasperation

rambling>>> Ok, so Blue-Eyed Boy did indeed reply, last night, shortly after I posted my feelings of dread all over this here blog. And once again, he was sounding open to a visit, under the guise of a gathering for HCW. (Yay!)

Unfortunately, Hottie Co-Worker has unwittingly become a total cock-block. I was planning a little mini-party for him, sort of a second-chance get-together for his many co-workers who couldn't make it last weekend. As a result, he told me today he wants to keep it small and limited to the local folks, which means no mass invites to his hot college buddies scattered around the area.

Still, I think I'll find a way to sneak an invite to BEB. And if he needs a place to crash that night, I'll suggest my bed, next to me.

Of course, I won't e-mail him to say so for another day or two. Got to play hard to get. Or at least temper my reputation as a suffocating daily e-mail whore.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction

rambling>>> 24 hours and still no reply to my latest e-mail to Blue-Eyed Boy. Ok, so that's not really a crisis, especially considering I learned during our weekend conversation that he had a busy week ahead. But I'm a man who demands instant gratification! Especially since past experience has taught me time is not always on my side.

Maybe I freaked him out with a follow-up reply so soon. I mean, there was nothing requiring reciprocation in his message; no questions; no inquiries about me, my life, or whether I happen to be free this weekend. I tend to do that-- become an e-mail whore... just ask the two or three unfortunate bastards I've caught in my web of regular replies. My best friends are e-friends, perhaps because I tend to express myself better in writing. Unfortunately, that persistance has backfired a few times; oftentimes with guys I happen to be crushing on.

Dammit.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Project Crush

rambling>>> It appears my random message to Blue-Eyed Boy yesterday was well-received, thankfully. He replied rather promptly and pleasantly, which was very pleasing. However, his message was pretty general, without anything resembling homoerotic flirting; I guess his longing glances don't translate well to the written word. I was hoping for a "Great to meet you, maybe we can hang out again sometime?" but I didn't get it, exactly; there was a vague reference to more wild times at the wedding in a few weeks, though, so I have that to look forward to.

Undaunted, and to keep up my new forward strategery, I wrote back and subtly suggested he come here to visit HCW and me again before the wedding!

I'm trying to be realistic about all this; there's a good chance I'm reading him all wrong and only seeing what I want to see. But so what? Even if I am wrong, meeting this boy has kept me in a giddy, hopeful mood for the last three days, and there's nothing bad about that!

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

I Survived a Strip Club and All You Get Is This Lousy Blog Post

rambling>>> I was subjected to the ultimate horny breeder boy experience this weekend (next to doing the deed itself): a late night visit to a strip club. It was HCW's bachelor party, and at some point in the night, he came up with the alcohol-inspired idea of an impromptu visit to a strip club, despite swearing up and down previously that he didn't want strippers to be part of his big day.

Nothing confirms the sexual preference of my Hottie Co-Worker quite like seeing his face buried in a couple of (not-so-spectacular) jiggling female breasts. And nothing confirms my sexual preference quite like being completely uninterested in the presence of "TOTALLY NUDE GIRLS!!" right in front of me.

And so I redirected my crush to a new unattainable victim hottie.

I'd been having a few conversations with one of HCW's college buddies over the course of the evening. He's a tall, lanky fellow with big blue eyes that seemed to be looking at me quite regularly. It was almost on the verge of unsettling, how often he fixed his gaze on me; even when we were listening to someone else, he would look at me for a reaction with a little smile on his face. It was like that from the moment he introduced himself to me and my other co-worker as we arrived; only he didn't seem to stare at my co-worker quite as much as me. Most straight dudes might freak out at this, but I decided to read it as flirtatious and enjoy it.

I really started to crush on him when we got to the strip club. While HCW and some of the other guys were busy getting boobs thrust at them by the stage, Blue-Eyed Boy (ok, not the greatest nickname, but I need something to keep the characters straight) and I took a table in a corner. One of HCW's other friends had picked up a couple of girls (and fellow strip club virgins) at the bar earlier and convinced them to join us, so those three sat with us as well. While I was quietly absorbing the experience, Blue-Eyed Boy immediately started freaking out and was very open about how uncomfortable he was with the situation. He confessed to being traumatized a few years ago when he was forced on stage by friends at a different strip club. He kept looking at me and pleading for us to leave and go get a drink somewhere, since the strip club didn't serve alcohol. Both of us were concerned about HCW being disappointed in us for leaving, but he was chin-deep in tits most of the night; we used the girls' equally obvious discomfort to our advantage as an excuse to leave (I don't think HCW even noticed) and the four of us bailed for a nearby bar until closing time.

Blue-Eyed Boy kept up the flirty glances at the bar, and even sweetly said he'd take care of me when I expressed concern about missing our ride out of there. The girls complicated matters, however. One of them was crushing on me pretty hard-core; I feigned inebriation, combined with real fatigue, to try to deflect her interest. Blue-Eyed Boy bought drinks for the girls, and to my dismay, seemed to be hitting on the other girl, immediately grabbing her for a slow dance as the DJ wrapped up the music for the night.

It turned out we did in fact miss our ride, but fortunately the one girl was still crushing on me and kindly offered to drive us to where we'd started the night, several miles away. As we all parted ways, she gave me her phone number (shudder), but Blue-Eyed Boy gave me one of those half-handshake/half-hug dude good-byes, which I found far more satisfying.

The boy was certainly giving off the vibes, though he did confuse matters back at the strip club when somebody asked if he'd be more comfortable if there were dudes on the stage, and he freaked out even louder at that thought; but that could just be part of an elaborate cover-up answer, similar to the one I might say in such a situation. He also seemed to tell a pretty obvious lie to the girls on another subject, so here's hoping he's just a dishonest closet-case.

I'll definitely see him again at the wedding in a few weeks, and he said he's been meaning to visit HCW, but hasn't made it yet. Maybe I'll be the excuse to get him to finally come to town.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

UPDATE, A FEW MINUTES LATER: Ok, I'm definitely crushing hard because I just sent Blue-Eyed Boy an extraordinarily random e-mail, and I NEVER make the first move. Man, I hope my gaydar's right, or this might get weird.

Tick Tock

rambling>>> Hello, Father Time? It's me, Anonyboy. Just wondering if we could do something about these pesky few hours in a day. There simply isn't enough time to do everything I need/want to do in 24 wimpy hours. Not that I actually do much, and yet it's still never enough. There's eight or nine hours of work, a couple hours at the gym, another hour or two lost to making dinner/doing dishes, and a few more hours of required television viewing (gotta enjoy my WB teen angst dramas while they're still around). That leaves, at most, a couple of hours of wind-down time, assuming I allow myself a full eight hours for potential sleep (I say potential, because it always ends up being a few hours of tossing around before the world finally falls away). I always have such grand plans for the precious little free time, but somehow it always ends up being far less productive than I would have hoped. Like today. I fully intended on taking some middle-of-the-night inspiration from last night and applying it to one of my many unfinished novels, but instead, I've burned my free time reading blogs and other web pages, then forced myself to think of something somewhat snarkily amusing to put on this here blog. And now I have to get back to my regularly scheduled life, and the unfinished novel will stay just that.

Really, another hour or two would be just swell.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Play Ball

rambling>>> I guess I never did report this previously, but I did indeed agree to join the Big Gay Softball Team. Fortunately for my chickenshit nature, but unfortunately for my unlucky-in-love streak, it appears the team turned out exactly as expected, a.k.a. not really that gay. There are two bona-fide breeder dudes from work, one openly gay dude from work (who I'm not into at all), me, and bunch of lesbians. We're supposed to have a practice this week, so we'll see if the dykes can drive the ball farther than the jocks and a certain conflicted closet-case we all know and love.

Homosexuality was not a prerequisite to be on the team; thankfully, the team organizers are far more inclusive than the rest of society! But in case I need to prove it, I'm more than willing to plant a big wet one on my teammate and unrequited crush, better known on this blog as HCW.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Put a Stamp On It

good on me>>> Hey, self! Way to get over the rejection of recent weeks, picking yourself up instead and preparing a new round of resumes, complete with the potential for new opportunities for more rejections!

smooth move>>> Mental note: next year, don't prepare to send out resumes on one of the busiest days of the year at the post office.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Part of This Complete Breakfast

rambling>>> I just caught The Roommate eating potato chips for breakfast! Which is unusual only because he usually has a handful of cookies first thing in the morning. Seriously, the dude eats like crap and barely exercises, and yet he's probably 10 pounds lighter than me! Of course, my extra weight is all muscle. (Really, it is. I'm going to the gym right now. I am!! Stop looking at me like that.)

Although he could still kick my ass since he knows Kung Fu and I'm just a prettyboy who looks nice in a t-shirt.

However, he is an inch shorter than me, so I win!!

Oh, and eating potato chips for breakfast means less of his nasty dishes for me to have to wash later. So eat up, roomie.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Gasp

rambling>>> You should have seen my eyes bug out when I stumbled upon this headline on Yahoo! News:

Gyllenhaal, Sarsgaard Engaged

Now while Jakey and Peter Sarsgaard did indeed get shirtless together as a couple of grunts in "Jarhead," the headline is actually referring to Jake's big sis, Maggie.

And anyway, Jake is too busy not-dating Austin Nichols.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

School Daze

rambling>>> Just to remind me how far I haven't come in my life, I received an e-mail the other day inviting me to a high school reunion (this would be the first one, since they skipped the five year get-together). I'm already fully aware of a number of my classmates who got married (thanks, Mom), but I suppose it might be fun to see what became of the stereotypical jocks, geeks and greasy PDA crowd, and to see if everyone we suspected was gay ever actually came out of the closet.

Oops, pot calling the kettle black!

I really don't know if anyone suspected I was a homo back then. I did hang out with several girls (purely platonically) in school, and I attended prom as part of a group with an unequal ratio of girls to guys. I did go out with one girl in high school, but our date was actually a few days after graduation and, surprise surprise, we never made it past the first date.

Actually, I went rather unnoticed in the grand scheme for the most part, which wasn't altogether awful. I did have some friends and I didn't get beat up, so all was good. I was kind of like that seventh cast member on any random season of "The Real World," the one you'd recognize if you saw a rerun, but can't possibly remember if he had any major impact on the plot.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

You Know You're Downloading Too Much Porn When...

rambling>>> So I had this really vivid dream last night which prominently featured hottie Lucas from Corbin Fisher (NSFW). Only it wasn't an erotic dream.

In my dream, Lucas (or at least a guy who looked a lot like Lucas and was named "Lucas") was my long-lost half-brother. We were apparently reunited recently, and he was paying me a visit. I was giving him a tour of my workplace, proudly introducing him as my brother, even to people I didn't know. At one point, he corrected me and said "half-brother," but he said it with a cute smile that meant he wasn't trying to burst my bubble.

Later, we sat down together and talked about things we had in common, including a love of tennis. He pulled out this bizarre racket (which actually looked more like a lacrosse, um, thing) to show me how I could improve my game. I distinctly remember feeling all warm and fuzzy as we sat there together, and I knew I loved him. Not like I wanted to fuck him (which is surprising, because, have you seen this boy?), but I truly loved him like a brother. The dream changed from there, and I don't really remember what happened next, but I still managed to wake up in a great mood (especially for a Monday).

In reality, I have no brothers, just one sister, but I guess I always wondered what it would be like. Although if I actually did learn of a long-lost younger half-brother by my father, I can promise that Daddy wouldn't be getting a card on Father's Day.

(P.S. I didn't write this seeking meaning for the dream-- let's face it, Lucas is hot, so who cares, he can show up in any role he wants in my dreams-- I wrote it because I wanted to remember the great feeling I awakened with.)

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

How It Went

(Confidential to Sunshine, since he asked):

Well, it turned out the set-up wasn't really a set-up, or at least the person setting me up (The Roommate's busybody girlfriend) never outright told me it was a set-up, so I just played innocent and sleepy (since I was). It turns out there was another couple tagging along as well, which also loosened the pressure. The girl and I barely spoke since we were seated on opposite ends of the table at dinner; our longest conversation was on the drive home when we discussed our respective tennis games. After we dropped her off, I played dumb when The Roommate's girlfriend asked if I was planning to play tennis soon. I said no.

Meantime, the company event Saturday night wasn't quite as insufferable as I feared. I found the only two other single folks and we all hung out together, forming a solid front against the smiling, giggling and the progressively-more-disgusting-with-their-public-displays-of-affection co-workers and their spouses/dates.

A little bit o' alcohol helped too.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Odd Man Out

rambling>>> It's that time of year again when I find myself uncomfortably surrounded by smiling, happy couples. OK, so it has nothing to do with the time of year, but I have noticed myself sticking out like a sore (single) thumb while everybody else couples together.

First, there was The Roommate and his girlfriend inviting me along for a nightcap last Friday. I decided to mark the occassion by drinking wayyy too much. The next night, I attended a dinner party with several co-workers, which was annoying enough in itself, but to make matters worse, I was officially the 7th wheel for the night; the three co-workers each brought their spouse/fiancee. I was allowed to bring a guest, but since everybody I know was either already at the party or working, I was screwed. Fortunately or unfortunately, the hangover from the previous night prevented me from celebrating this occasion in a similar fashion.

This weekend looks to be much the same. Tomorrow night is a work-sponsored event where I will likely be one of the few people without a guest, therefore becoming "that guy" who throws off the even-numbered seating arrangement at the dinner tables.

Tonight, however, will be worse, because I will be coupled, but completely against my will. The Roommate's busybody girlfriend has apparently taken it upon herself to set me up with one of her (female) friends (turns out, that may have been the plan last weekend too, but the counterpart to these shenanigans was out of town). I haven't been told specifically that's it's a set-up ("We're just getting people to go out"), but it seems pretty damn obvious when there are four of us (two being The Roommate and his bitch girlfriend), dinner reservations, and a show planned for afterwards.

I suppose I could (a) fake illness; (b) grow a pair, tell them I'm gay, ask if anyone has any cute brothers, then immediately pack my things after getting kicked out of my roommate's house for lying to him for two years; or (c) tell them all to fuck off and leave me alone.

I guess (d) All of the above, might make for a better blog post tomorrow.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

On the Run

rambling>>> Running has been a major theme of my dreams lately. And not even running away from anything (any regular reader might be able to read into what that might mean), but instead I always seem to be running toward something, or running as a form of transportation. Last night, I dreamt I was on the wrong side of some town I'd never seen before, so to get to wherever I wanted to be (which was apparently a few miles away and on the opposite side of an irritating river with few bridges), I had to run. I may have started out in a car at one point, but given the random unpredictablity of dreams, I ended up on my feet.

In reality, I hate running. Especially distance running. It's the one cardiovascular activity I can't handle. I can ride on an exercise bike for an hour at moderate intesity and feel fine, but five minutes on a treadmill and I get the worst side aches imaginable. The funny part about the dreams is that pain never seems to be a factor. I just get up and go, like it's the most normal thing in the world.

I've had several similar dreams too, often running around some unknown town. Occassionally, I'm running to work (on streets I know) or once I even combined the nightmare of being back in high school with having to run the 13 miles to get there.

I guess I should just be thankful I'm not running naked in any of these dreams.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Take a Bite Outta This, Apple!

techie rant>>> Just to further push my 9-month old iBook G4 further into obsolescence (and I bought it the first week it came out, grr!!):

Apple Introduces Boot Camp: "April 5, 2006—Apple® today introduced Boot Camp, public beta software that enables Intel-based Macs to run Windows XP."

Well, that's a nifty little feature, but completely irrelevant to the thousands of us with IBM-chip-based PowerPC Macs! Apple says "Boot Camp" will be a key feature on the upcoming release of OS 10.5 Leopard later this year, which makes me scared that the $129 operating system upgrade (bad enough) may not even work on older Apple products! I hope not, but that's what I fear.

Technology advances are great, but Apple moves so fast with the innovations, and makes their previous products difficult or impossible to upgrade (see my 2000 iMac, with no firewire port and no way to add one), many of us loyal customers are left in the dust. My two year old G3 iPod is so many generations behind (black-and-white screen, no photo or video capability), it's like carrying around an old dinosaur Apple II when the rest of the world has just discovered the mouse.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Everyone Can Relax Now

rambling>>> Victory is mine! And so is "Brokeback Mountain" on DVD.

Here endeth the blog obsession.

(Although I may keep Jake as my banner for a few more days, because it's Jake, and why not?)

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

"Brokeback" Bonuses

rambling>>> Lest you think I had lost my obsessive enthusiasm in the midst of last week's personal doldrums, I remind you:

1 day to Brokeback Mountain on DVD!

Ok, so the DVD itself is rather bare bones (just four featurettes, no deleted scenes or commentary), but it's the movie that matters, and having access to it anytime is worth the price (plus, I'm just the kind of freak who will also buy the Special Collectors Edition when and if it comes out later this year). In the spirit of public service to you, my dear readers, I've done some advance comparison shopping in search of the best place to buy the initial Brokeback DVD tomorrow (and you all will, or I will be very, very sad):

Best Buy: Get a free copy of the "Brokeback Mountain: Story to Screenplay" book with purchase, a $16 value! (of course, being the obsessed fan that I am, I already have the book)

Target: Get a free audiobook CD of the story with purchase (although if it's the same version that's offered on iTunes, it's one of the most boring readings of anything I've ever heard in my life)

Circuit City: No extras, but an advertised price of $17.99, which may be a couple bucks cheaper than the stores offering the freebies.

Wal-Mart: Not surprisingly, "Brokeback" isn't listed in this week's circular, but it is advertised online for $16.87. Normally I wouldn't be caught dead in this store, but it's almost worth it (a) to be able to get my hands on it right at midnight (it's the only one open at that hour) and (b) to see the look on the faces of the traditionally wholesome right-wing family-values shoppers who normally frequent the joint. Note I said "almost" worth it.

Amazon.com: The king of online retailers offers up the DVD for $16.98, but after shipping (and waiting 2-3 days for delivery), the obsessed fans in need of immediate satisfaction (not unlike myself) just wouldn't be satisfied.

My pick: Best Buy for the best bonus, but I'll probably head to Target, since I don't have the audiobook yet, and I can also pick up a couple other things, like a birthday card for my sister (convenient!), to conceal my purchase of the big gay cowboy movie.

ADDENDUM: P.S., I know the "Brokeback" topic is beyond tired at this point, and I promise the obsession will decline considerably after I get Jake & Heath in my clutches tomorrow... though I can't promise I'll actually write anything ever again since the DVD will be on permanent repeat as soon as I get home!

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com