Counting Sheep

rambling>>> Just to confuse my insomnia last night, whenever I did fall asleep (for very brief periods of time), I was dreaming about not being able to sleep. I'm not sure if I got any sleep as a result, but since I'm surprisingly wide awake for a Monday morning, I must have caught a couple of z's.

Why can't I just have raunchy sex dreams like everyone else?

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Saturday Sweaty, Sunday Soaked

rambling>>> The weather geniuses (a.k.a. the guys who still get paid even when they're horribly, terribly wrong) say it's going to be around 100 degrees around these parts this weekend, much like the rest of the country. So what do I choose to do? Yeah, that's right, go to my parents' house where they don't have air conditioning! Brilliant!

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Outward and Onward

news>>> Wow. The most un-surprising headline of the century:

CNN.com: 'N Sync star Lance Bass: I'm Gay

But kudos to him for admitting it. And I gotta confess, I was quite the 'N Sync fan, though my tastes ran more toward J.C. and of course The Timberlake. I even own four of the group's CDs. And... maybe this is where the confessions should stop...

Ok, one more: I think I kinda like that new Paris Hilton song. Yeah, the one with nothing but scathing reviews on iTunes. Maybe because it's been stuck in my head all day, burrowing inside and clasping on tightly like some kind of nefarious drug.......

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Things That Are Annoying Me This Week

rant>>> 1. THE INTERNET: Our Internet Service Provider blows serious chunks. The service at our house is getting interrupted for hours on end for no apparent reason. Even when it is working (like right now), everything takes about 10 times longer to load; it feels like I'm on freakin' dial-up again! The Roommate and I have tried changing cables, cable outlets and even cable modems, all to no avail. We've had service technicians out here a couple times too, and the best they can tell us (besides everything we've already tried) is perhaps we're located too far from the central cable hub on our block so we have a weak signal at times. The only solution to that is to pick up the house and move it a few hundred feet, but since I'm lacking a jumbo-sized forklift, I guess I'm stuck. I'm convinced it has something to do with the heat wave, since it only got bad once the temps started exceeding 85 on a regular basis.

2. THE ROOMMATE: My internet concerns may be moot because The Roommate revealed he has a job interview next week, which could lead to him moving and me getting kicked out well before his wedding early next year (or before my Long Awaited Job Opportunity™ comes through). What's worse, his interview is in one of my aforementioned ideal cities to live in.

3. HCW: I decided not to wait around forever for the Long Awaited Job Opporunity™ and sent out a few more resumes this week to test the waters. Unfortunately, Hottie Co-Worker, my married, unrequited crush, has also begun a job search of his own, and has coincidentally applied to a couple of the same places and for the same jobs! Knowing my lingering Big Black Cloud of Bad Luck™ is still overhead, he'll probably not only get a new job before me, but a better-paying one in a nicer city. Plus, I'd miss him something fierce if he moved.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Does This Boy Make Me Look Fat?

rambling>>> The Guy and I have been on a handful of "dates," if you will, over the past three weeks; oftentimes, said dates occur around mealtime, and therefore involve food of some variety. The most recent included both pizza and ice cream. In both cases, I ate twice as much as him. So it should have been no surprise when I stepped on the scale at the gym and discovered the sudden addition of four pounds to my frame.

I'm taking it in stride, however, since my weight tends to fluxuate within a five pound range anyway. I do weigh less than him, even though we're the same height, but I tend to eat more, since I lead a far more active lifestyle. The bonus there is that he seems to enjoy my muscle curvatures that I've worked hard on for the past two years. Admittedly, I've lazied my way out of a couple of workouts so we could grab a lunch. I guess I'll just have to find another way to stay active to burn off those spare calories... (obvious wink).

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Etiquette of the Groin

question>>> I suppose your answer depends on whether or not you subscribe to the Bill Clinton definition of "sex," but does it count as a blowjob if:

(a) it happens in a car,

and

(b) you can't finish, so to speak, because traffic is getting heavier and you have to zip up.

Just wondering...

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

From Inside the Cubicle of Self-Loathing

rant>>> In the three weeks or so since the Long Awaited New Job Opportunity™ took a right turn into uncertaintyville, four (count em! FOUR!) of my co-workers and a fifth work-related aquaintance have all announced their departures for bigger and better (-paying) jobs. And to rub it in even worse, two of them are going to one of my personal ideal cities to live in. It's frustrating considering I've accumulated more professional accolades than all five of these people combined, yet unfortunately for me, I also have the Big Black Cloud of Bad Luck™ that hangs overhead, constantly conspiring to destroy any possibilities of career advancement. The Long Awaited New Job Opportunity™ is still a possibility, but right now everything is stalled due to "circumstances beyond our control." In the meantime, I'm left waiting (and we all know how much I love that), and helping to train in the newbies, still wet behind the ears and full of impending fuck-ups for me to have to fix.

I love my job... I love my job... I love my job...

Maybe if I keep saying it, I might start to believe it.

Nah. I'll probably end up rocking back-and-forth uncontrollably in a corner somewhere, until I get committed to the nearest looney bin. Which has got to be an improvement over my mind-numbing day job.

(P.S. I realize I've never said exactly what I do, because it's in one of those fields where, if it was discovered I was blogging about it, I'd probably catch plenty of hell and then have NO job or paycheck to speak of. Right now, that's the only reason I keep going back: I like to be able to afford to eat.)

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

The Hazards of Being a Homo

rambling>>> So I decided to shave, um, down there, for the first time in, well, ever, last night. I probably should have listened to the advice that suggested an electric razor was not the best idea, as I got bitten a couple of times in sensitive locales. As it turns out, that pain was quickly masked by the itchiness of all the little hairs I missed, not to mention to annoyance of having the sac sticking to my inner thighs more easily without the few hairs there to shake it loose naturally.

Fortunately, I decided to distract myself by scalding my tongue on some hot food this morning, so now I have a whole new burning sensation to keep me busy for the rest of the day.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Anonyboy Versus The Man

rambling>>> I'm being audited.

Well, sort of. My state's revenue department apparently decided they had nothing better to do than double-check two-year-old property tax forms so they could terrorize taxpayers who make (far) less than $30,000 a year. They claim I miscalculated a refund and now they want $150 back. Of course, I followed the rules to the letter and did nothing wrong, so I'm filing an appeal to prove they're full of shit.

If it's anything like the last time I challenged the system, this will be an arduous process. Back in college, I had an errant charge listed on my credit card account from a hotel in Oklahoma City. Since I've never been to Oklahoma City (and since, up to that point, I'd never bought a hotel room on my own) I called to point it out. They found and sent a copy of the receipt, one of those old carbon-copy kinds, where any idiot could clearly see the numbers were off (albeit slightly, thus the mistake) and the name didn't match. Figuring it seemed obvious, I called the credit card company at the number they supplied to simply ask that the charge be taken off my account. Unfortunately, the trained monkeys at the phone bank are required to follow a protocol in which they do their best my life miserable. They demanded that I report my card as stolen and file a police report. I pretty much lost it then and told them to just look at the damn thing and they'd see it was a simple mistake. That wasn't good enough. I had to make my case in writing, and close my account in the meantime while they "investigated." As if it was my fucking fault some hotel unable to enter the 21st century with an electronic card reader! It took almost 6 months of calls and letters before someone with half a brain finally got hold of my case and opened their eyes to see the obvious mistake.

That's kind of what I expect to happen with this audit. Six months of shit before somebody realizes I'm right and they suck are wrong.

UPDATE (A few minutes later): Whoops, there's a chance they might be right. But don't tell them that.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Oh, Sure. NOW You Tell Me...

rambling>>> My Hotmail account is trying to tell me something again...

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Refresher on The Rules

rambling>>> It's been a (long) while since I've been involved in anything even remotely resembling a relationship, so I forget, is it wrong of me to drool over the the tall, dark college hottie with the killer legs and the other college hottie in the muscle shirt with the nicely shaped arms, both of whom seemed to hover near me for the duration of my workout today?

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Diaries of an Anonyboy Affair

rambling>>> I promised myself I wouldn't blog too much about what's happening between me and The Guy, but since everything else (read: work) is so dreadfully boring (read: normal), I'll let you in on a few tidbits from this past weekend:

-- There has been no sex. Yet. A mutual decision.

-- There has been kissing. Woohoo!

-- He did sleep over.

-- I've already met his parents. An out-ing I wasn't exactly prepared for, but which I handled admirably, thankyouverymuch. Oh, and they like me. So there.

Unfortunately, hanging out together will become more of a problem from here on out; last weekend was made convenient with the absence of The Roommate and the abundance of my empty abode. Now, however, there are competing work schedules and my need to keep up appearances at home (what would The Roommate think if I actually left the house more than just to go to work?!), but I'm sure we'll work something out.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Details, Details

rambling>>> I can honestly say that one week ago, I had no plans whatsoever to get off my ass and reignite my stagnant love life. Not that it's necessarily on fire (yet), but this is a start.

It began with the hottie I met (oh so briefly) at the straight bar last Friday night. No, he's not the one I'm seeing, but for some reason, meeting him inspired something in me. I saw that there were cute gay guys out there in the world, and I wanted one for myself, closet-case issues be damned. That combined with the fact that I was still feeling pretty down from the job opportunity snag, I really needed a pick-me-up. So I went where every lonely red-blooded American homo resorts to in a time of sexual crisis: gay dot com.

Like most folks, I haven't had much luck there in the past (except, hello, my one and only Ex-- didn't learn from that, apparently). Most of the time is spent wading through the "Hey, let's fuck!" or "I'll give you $200 for a blowjob" messages, but every once in awhile, a decent guy initiates a conversation that's not all about sex. So I spent most of Saturday talking to this one guy, a little shorter, a little older, and much hairy than I, but who had a decent pic and a great string of sarcasm. Unfortunately, he was also even shier than me, so my subtle hints were lost on him.

Fast forward to Sunday, when my first contact is made with The Guy. I don't even remember what we talked about at first. He initiated, I know that. I remember it wasn't overtly sexual, but it was funny and enjoyable. Something in me just kept opening up to him. Then, tragedy: internet service went to hell and that was that.

Or so I thought. Log on the next day, there he is! And BAM! A phone number! He said he was sad to see me go and wanted to be able to continue the conversation in case it happened again. So we did. The phone number led to a suggestion of a date, and me feeling suddenly open and liberated thought, why the hell not. So we went out Wednesday, nothing fancy, food and a movie ("Superman Returns"). He rubbed my leg once in the theatre. I squirmed a little, but I liked it. That was about as sexual as it got, which was fine with me. I may be horny, but I like to take things slow wherever The Sex is concerned.

I don't have any delusions that this guy is The One or that this will be just the thing to push me out of the closet for good. I'm still holding out hope for the job and the move, which would put a prompt end to all this. He's kinda cute, though not as Abercrombie hot as most of my jackoff material. But it's nice to realize that someone out there can like me and that I can have fun when I relax and try to be who I really am. Which is difficult, since I've worked really hard for very long to be anything else to everybody else.

We have a tentative date again this weekend. I know I'm looking forward to it. It sounds like he is too.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Anonyboy's Reasons For Why Not

rambling>>> Hey guys, sorry I haven't written anything in a couple of days.

You see, I kind of met somebody.

A guy, even.

And we went out on a date yesterday.

I'll give everybody time to gather their collective shock and pick up their jaws off the floor and tell you more about it later.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Glutton for Punishment

rant>>> Hmm, with all future employment prospects indefinitely delayed, how do I chose to celebrate? Why, by volunteering to work four additional unpaid hours at my current crappy job! But of course!

I'm dumb.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com

Missed Opportunity #378

rambling>>> I was feeling a little down after getting word of the job opportunity delay, so I didn't exactly need to have my arm twisted to head out to the bars last night to drown my sorrows. HCW and his new wife were there, along with a couple of other co-workers. About an hour after we got there, a group of girls came over and started talking to me and HCW (his wife was talking to another co-worker's wife and didn't seem to mind). While we were all talking, a really cute guy came up behind one of the girls and handed her a drink. The girls introduced him to us and he shook our hands before disappearing somewhere near the bar. He was a little shorter than me (which is kind of rare, considering I'm only about 5'10" in my good shoes), with a nice build and an adorable face with a carefully trimmed, narrow beard line outlining his face. I didn't think much of it, considering the way he approached the girl, but the never-shy HCW asked her if that was her boyfriend. To my pleasant surprise, she said no, he was gay, "even though you couldn't tell by looking at him." I immediately perked up and kept scanning the room for him. He came back to where we were standing a couple times, but unfortunately for me, HCW and the gang were also hanging around closely the whole time, so it would have been quite a shock to them if I suddenly started working my mojo on the boy more than the three girls. It didn't help that the guy kept running off to the bar or to talk to some other people, and I kept losing him in the crowd so I couldn't chase after him. That, and the two drinks and shot of nasty tequila didn't make up quite enough liquid courage for me anyway. I'm guessing my efforts may have wasted, though, since he didn't really give me a second glance after our initial handshake. Perhaps he assumed I was straight, or maybe he just wasn't interested. Nonetheless, it was fun to finally meet an honest-to-goodness gay guy (they really do exist!) in a straight bar.

anonyboy2004@hotmail.com