Turning the Tables

Hook-Up Guy came over again last night. He's leaving town for a few days and wanted to hang out again. Originally, we were talking about lunch or something a little less scandalous, but somehow I found myself inviting him over around 11pm, and after some conversation, we hooked up again.

Meeting at the gay bar the other night was actually a bit of a coincidence. We had been chatting online that same morning and discovered we both happen to be in the same line of work (though not for the same company). So it only made sense that he showed up when a circle of us with common employment met up at the gay bar. It was a bit awkward at first, he barely talked to me, but when I whispered to him, "you know we were chatting this morning," he told me he knew. After a bit of talk above the thumping homo dance music, we all left the bar and he (cleverly) asked for a ride to his car. A little more small talk, and soon a kiss good-night turned into a ten minute make-out session. It turns out he doesn't live that far from me either, so I suggested he could stop by on his way home, which he was more than eager to agree to. That led to more making out on the couch, clothes coming off, and heading up to the bedroom. All the action was strictly oral. He would have spent the night, but had to get home to let his dog out, who had been home alone already for much of the day.

While this may sound promising and nothing short of the perfection I've been looking for, it's really not. The thing of it is, I'm not incredibly attracted to him. I mean, there was no problem getting and keeping me aroused either night, but I think I may have been just responding to him being so affectionate (he appreciates the making out and cuddling as much as I do). But yeah, while I've freely admitted I'm superficial to start, I guess the physical doesn't have to be a deal-breaker. I think I'm more afraid that he's getting so attached so quickly. He's sent me e-mails saying how cute I am and how much he enjoys me; and we've had lengthy text message exchanges as well. Of course, all things I've been craving and even specifically asking for. Not to mention oh so familiar to the way I've been acting myself with Out of Town Guy. But now that it's happening to me, it's freaking me a out a little.

I probably have to find a way to dial it back a little (a.k.a. stop inviting him over for sex) and try not to lead him on so much. Get to know each other better and see if there really is a connection beyond my bedroom before I write it off.